angel-with-a-flower-crown:

ducktapeduck:

topitmunkeydog:

alltehfandoms:

firefly-and-fae:

topitmunkeydog:

i killed a man

photo courtesy of koodalinee

That’s a sticky situation you seem to find yourself in, friend.

DAMNIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING CONFESSING TO YOUR CRIME ON THE INTERNET?!

Here’s what you need to do.

Wash the knife in bleach and throw it in a sewer grate across town or a large local body of water.

Smash the teeth out of the head and collect them all, then grind the teeth into dust (IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION THAN WHERE YOU STAY) and dispose of them.

Cut off the fingers and strip the flesh from the bone. Feed the flesh to an animal or go all Hannibal on it and consume it yourself.

Now comes the tricky part.

You’re going to want to get a hold of a ridiculous amount of saran wrap, a large plastic sheet, some garbage bags, a power tool that can dismember a body (pay in cash and buy it from a store outside of your city/town), a change of clothes, and a metric fuck-ton of cleaning supplies.

Got it all? Good.

Roll the body on top of the plastic sheet and dismember it. (You’re going to want to do this in a fairly clear, easy to clean area), blood will spurt out of that body insanely so you better have a good stomach.  

After you’ve got all the pieces nice and transportable, wrap them up in the saran wrap and stuff them in the garbage bags along with the clothes you were wearing when you murdered the victim and dismembered them.

Now, drive to the nearest auto salvage yard and throw the body and the clothes you’re wearing) in the trunk on top of a spare tire or any nearby one you can find, throw a heavy fuelant on top (either a hefty amount of gasoline or some napalm [gasoline mixed evenly with cat litter or orange juice concentrate]). Punch out a tail light, ignite the body, close the trunk, and get home.

Clean…

Clean so much.

Scrub until you can’t anymore and then fucking do it more. If you think you’re being too careful, you’re not.

Finally find a GROUP of friends (people who understand your murderous tendencies), and form a solid alibi and stick to it…

Oh, and delete your tumblr.

I killed a blueberry

they are either a writer or a murderer 

or possibly both 

posted 4 hours ago with 69,608 notes

tranzient:

FRANK

FRANK, MAN, YOU’RE ALIVE

I JUST…

I SAW THIS HANDBAG MAN

IT LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU.

OH FRANK I’M SO RELIEVED.

posted 1 day ago with 213,352 notes

unamusedsloth:

Looks like he found some amazing cereal

posted 1 day ago with 150,180 notes

ilyone:

Third part of “Jason finds out”, following this and this ^^ (there is a distinct lack of Jason in this one ;p) 

All of this to lead to my headcanon of the conversation that’ll happen in the fourth and last part, I’m afraid it’s gonna feel a bit anticlimatic ^^; 

Link to the chronology of a friendship masterpost

posted 1 day ago with 4,703 notes

littlegracenote:

umbreon-ite:

Ah yes, the flute

that’s a trumpet

posted 1 day ago with 65,297 notes

crocobaby:

Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?

posted 1 day ago with 134,671 notes

FAVORITE MOVIES » How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
This is Berk. It snows nine months of the year, and hails the other three. Any food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides are the pets. While other places have ponies or parrots… we have… dragons.

posted 1 day ago with 15,707 notes

Jennifer Morrison on wearing the Season 3 finale ball gown.

posted 1 day ago with 6,345 notes